Inner Shaman Adventures: Jaguar - Love in Motion

What I saw was love in motion.

I watched him fight against the separation of body and spirit that would signify the end of his earthly visit as he recoiled from the touch of chimeric oblivion. I watched him desperately clinging to his experience of the tangible and substantial.

His physical attachment a Stockholm syndrome - he had forgotten about the oneness he had left when he was brought onto this earth, and I knew he was scared to return. I could see his body had become a captor that was slowly poisoning him, pumping toxic blood to his brain, preventing clarity and impeding peace.

I whispered to him that he was safe, that it was okay to surrender, yet his eyes hardened and ceaselessly he dragged his body to hard surfaces and sharp edges, to sensation and emissions. Stubbornly he lugged his frame from the fringes of unconsciousness and would start his ceaseless, pointless, journey through the house – every room entered, every sensation carelessly experienced. He could no longer tell me to be silent, for he himself was mute, unable to respond.

I watched his fading light struggle against the shadow of death.

This was his final lesson.

Oh Jaguar, I asked you to allow the fear of death to fall from my eyes. You gave me a teacher so profound. The more I watched his senseless struggle the more I realised the importance of surrender. The more I saw his ignorance, the greater I grew in wisdom. The more I saw his fear, the more I understood love.

What I saw was love in motion.

I watched her as she keenly observed every move, interpreted every action so she could predict his needs and wants. She would follow his fingers, arms, legs, face and examine his unseeing eyes for any communication so she could serve, protect and care for him in any way he needed.

Her heart grew and expanded to encapsulate and keep warm. Her love melded and merged, was unconditional in patience as she waded through the shit and urine that continuously emerged. She navigated the dank, dark, interminably stinking endlessness to her days. The sun rose and fell yet she remained constant – consistently caring for the near-corpse that haunted the house and continued to relentlessly breathe in confusion.  

Her continued acceptance of his decline and ability to get up another day after the struggle throughout the night. She fielded calls, visits, medication, decisions and the unknown and balanced uncertainty. Protecting the life he has but knowing there is no quality in it left her with a continual push and pull of indecision, yet she persevered and had no regard for herself as she invested her all.

This is another one of her lessons.

Oh Jaguar, I asked you to show me the way of peace. You gave me a teacher so profound. The more I watched her tears fall in sadness the more I realised the importance of detachment. The more I saw her devotion, the greater I grew in peace. The more I saw her fear, the more I understood love.

What I saw was pure love.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Rapé and Sananga Ceremony

I walked into the studio, expecting the next session to be about Shamanic tools and how to use them but the Shaman walked up to me and said, 'Things have changed tonight, we are going to be exploring plant medicine and their role in Shamanism. We are going to work with rapé and sananga.' I nodded my head in assent, I knew what rapé was, I had seen my brother Apé administer it to people prior to the ayahuasca ceremonies. However, I had not tried it because of the incredibly physical responses I had witnessed when receiving the plant medicine. I had seen people coughing, sneezing, going red in the face, eyes tearing up and retching and I had just thought, 'No, not for me.'

Cushioned beds were laid out in ceremonial style in the studio and we chose our places for the evening. We sat and listened to the Shamans talk about the plants, their properties, how and why they are used as well as the side effects after being in contact with the plant. As I was being told more information about what I would experience, I started to shake and feel cold as my old friend fear came in and made itself at home.

I said to the Shaman, 'What if we don't want to do this?'

The Shaman said it would be okay if we decided not to take part but it would be worth asking ourselves the reasons why and think about what was standing in our way. He said, 'Watch me first, understand that this medicine has been administered for thousands of years and you are safe.'

I watched him being served the plant. The plant was mixed and made into small balls and then blown up his nose and his physical reaction was immediate, nothing in Shamanism is pretty and this medicine was no different. It didn't look like fun, it didn't look like my idea of a great night out.

One by one the students were dispensed the medicine and each had a unique reaction to the impact. As the Shaman came to me I said to him, 'Can you make it really small?' He said, 'I'll make it hummingbird sized.' Somehow the quantity being made akin to a hummingbird made the process easier. I liked feeling connected to the hummingbird.

The Shaman told me to hold my breath and he placed the tube to my nostril and blew. The impact was immediate and I could feel my mind clear and it felt like I was experiencing pure consciousness. The physical effects were that I felt my breath become concentrated, my eyes started to water and soon mucus started to flood me and I continued to spit into tissue, allowing my body to clear. The Shaman then blew into my other nostril and I sat still, firm and surrendered to the medicine and its purpose.

The icaro and music were in full force and for some time I sat with absolute clarity experiencing and listening intently to the medicine, although the icaro could not infiltrate the continued silence of my mind.

After a while, the music ended and the Shaman came forward and said he would be the first to take sananga. He lay down and we watched the eye drops be administered and heard him breathe deeply and react physically to the painful contact. We were told that the initial pain would feel more than we could bear but it would gradually become lighter until feelings of blissfulness entered our bodies.

For this part of the ceremony I was the last person to lie down and again I whispered, 'Only hummingbird...' He said, one drop each eye, that's all.' Somehow I knew I could trust him and I lay down with my eyes open. The first drop entered me; I felt instant stinging and both my eyes closed in response, as I was encompassed by the sensation. He opened my other eye and I lay there with the medicine burning me. I felt no other pain than the searing itchiness in my eyes but I maintained concentration on my breath throughout to help me through the process.

Whilst I lay there, I soon felt feelings of bliss and weightlessness enter me. Any fear that I had experienced previously was washed away with feelings of lightness and joy. I felt my body become soft and at peace, and experienced perfect equilibrium. I lay in this state for some time experiencing a sense of harmony I hadn't encountered in a long time.

The Shaman said, 'You have learned something very important tonight about fear, that it doesn't always tell the truth and is not something you can trust.'

As I was making my journey home, I felt very aware of my surroundings. I walked down the escalators and heard a woman singing for charity, she sang 'I could have danced all night.' I gave her some money and asked if I could listen. An audience of one, I sat and listened intently to her voice and it felt like I had been given another beautiful icaro that night. When she finished we hugged and I thanked her for her gorgeous voice and floated home.

Aho.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes

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