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| Photo by Mark Tacatani |
I learnt long ago to always watch nature's season change. In the trees, I notice the light, colour, shed and fullness. I try to embody and follow her patterns, a slave to the equinoxes that balance out my years. She doesn't speak to me in words, she shows me in movement. I rise in excitement in spring, I'm at my most energetic in summer, I detox and shed in autumn and I retreat in winter. When I sit with her I feel full.
It now makes sense to me.
I learnt long ago to always watch a person's actions. In their words they may say everything I want to hear but if I don't notice the smile and love in their eyes, or feel it in their touch or see willingness in their presence, I have now chosen to be cautious. So many times I fell for words, believing them delicious and filling, but now I see. When I sat with them I was always hungry.
It now makes sense to me.
He told me I was a coward for not trusting in his words. Yet I would wonder at my dreams when he would flee every time and I would wake up shivering, grasping, stretching my hand out so I could feel his body. I ask him before I sleep, 'Will you promise you will be here in the morning?' He always faithfully promises me and when I wake he is always there.
I may struggle to learn to trust his words but I absolutely have learnt to trust his movement, light, colour, shed and fullness. I see the smile and love in his eyes, feel myself melt against his touch and know he is truly present in his presence. And I have no reason to be cautious. When I sit with him I feel full.
It now makes sense to me.
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