The Sea - Short Story

She stared at the blank day ahead and wondered what to do with herself. The curse of this western mentality… this need to do. She thought that she didn't want waste even a moment of this life she had been given. She scrolled through names of people she knew in her head but still she was at a loss. She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to share, but she couldn’t stay inside for one more minute.

She heard classical music playing in the background. It was Sunday morning and her housemates were up and making breakfast. She knew if she walked into the kitchen they would ask her what she would do with her day. She knew she would reply vaguely, content to throw them off the scent of her enforced solitude, the unsettled feeling she sat with each day, this feeling of fragility that peaked with every interaction and movement she made.

She didn't want to share this day with someone yet if she lived it alone who would know that she lived? Who would know that her day was not wasted? Later, when someone asked her who she was out with what would she say? She breathed deeply and safely maneuvered herself from questions, and walked into the sunlight. She looked at the most important gift she has received since she had been here - her bicycle.

Within minutes she was out of the garden and safely circling the road, her music on and her heart free now she could go anywhere she chose. It was no secret that she was in love with this city, her heart soared at the sight of the skyline or the diamond glitter of the river but still she pushed her bike on until she reached her true home, the clear salt water that washed away any worry. 

She laid her bike down, stripped off her clothes and walked into the warm waters. As she lay there, floating, she realised she no longer needed an anchor, raft or boat to help keep her safe. She no longer needed someone to give her words to help define her day. She lay bare, floating under the warm sun, allowing the support of the water to help her ride the waves, trusting the universe and its plan, no longer caring what was next. 

She felt complete surrender. 

You can read my short stories here: Gracie's short stories

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 18

Cacao calls me in my dreams.

I sat in The Shaman's space for the last time this year and reflected on the journey I have undertaken. As the autumnal feminine grows, the nights become darker and warmth travels to Southern climes I realised I felt a stronger need to be in my own space to sit and listen to nature's call.

I came to cacao with the intention to integrate what I experienced and to gain further clarity on my new plans for the next year. I pulled the card, 'Experiencing' and I saw this woman who was revelling in the present moment and in communion with a tree. I understood that a part of integration is to be in the moment, realise my part in nature and to always heed her call.

I lay down to journey and fell in and out of consciousness. As I came back into consciousness I felt a complete sense of peacefulness and nothing else and realised that experiencing is about appreciating the moment that I am in. As I lay there I let go of the expectation that Old Mother Cacao would join me. There was no need to force the situation.

  'The flow is the plan.'

Suddenly, I had a vision of me with a baby at my breast and feeling a complete sense of calmness. It flashed away again and I was in darkness.

Soon after Old Mother Cacao arrived and she gave me a pipe. We sat in front of each other and took turns to blow the smoke on each other's body, providing our interaction with the creation of a sacred space. Old Mother Cacao was starting to teach me the ways of a Shaman.

  'Soon you will start to work with plants differently. However, don't forget ayahuasca's lesson. Write. Integrate. Speak. Remember. Implement.'

I nodded and knew that my new job and relationship had taken up so much of my head space I had no time to sit with the work ayahuasca had given me.

  'You need to plan Peru. It is no coincidence that so many people want to sit in the circle of the Mamitas in Peru with you.'

I saw a vision of him, some of my friends and my sister sitting in a circle in front of the Mamitas in Peru - waiting for the medicine to take effect. To make this vision happen I would need to focus steadily on my own goals as I know that I have a tendency to spread myself too thinly and try and encompass all the needs, priorities and goals of others.

The Shaman asked us to bring our future selves in front of us. In came a heavily pregnant me, she waddled towards me and said, 'I'm so proud of you. You are going to make a great mother. Remain in the flow and surrender. Don't worry if life does not work in the order you have wished it to be - life will manifest as it is meant.'

I pulled the last guidance card, which was 'The Fool', the card had a picture of a man holding a bunch of flowers stepping off a cliff. The description says, 'The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyse them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.'

I am ready to be guided by my feelings of what feels right.

Aho. 

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by Rebekah Shaman

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