Finding my Inner Shaman - the Cacao Ceremony

Today was the Cacao Ceremony.

On my way to the ceremony I felt nerves at the pit of my stomach - before our journeys were made using our own energies but today we would be using cacao - a plant medicine that can open our hearts and help heal what we haven't yet been able to achieve over the last six weeks.

The Shaman asked us if there was a chakra we wanted to work on and what our intention was for the ceremony.

I said I wanted to work on my heart chakra, to come back to loving and learning, to center on me again. The card I picked was 'Adventure' - it was a child walking into the light and trusting her way forward. To me it really felt like this ceremony was an adventure of sorts, that I was the innocent but curious child.

We were given the cacao to drink in silence, the bitter mixture hit the back of my throat and I willed down the mixture as quickly as possible, crushing the grounds with my teeth so that it would slide down my throat more easily, and then I lay down and waited for the medicine to take me on its journey.

Two memories became strong in my mind, which helped to remind me of my fearlessness.

The first memory is when one evening an old friend and I sat in the pub with her boyfriend. Unbeknownst to me they had been putting double and triple vodkas in my orange and I didn't realise how drunk I was until I stood up to leave, with my bicycle. The 25 minute walk home revived me and as I stood at the side entrance of my parent's housing estate, I decided to cycle the last part home, with my top and bra off. I promptly took my clothes off and cycled around the estate half naked feeling the air on my skin and the moon rays dancing on my body. I felt alive, free, wild... a rush of thrilling abandonment.

The second memory is the last meditation in a Vipassana course I was on in Melbourne... as it was the last session there was a choice regarding attendance and so not many people arrived. I sat on my pillow and began to focus on each sensation in my body and I experienced what I believe is Bhanga nana. To me it felt like a complete dissolution of my self and that I was able to experience the truth that I am a part of the universe, and the universe is a part of me.

The cacao helped me to realise that I am still on my adventure, that I am so blessed with love in my life. That I need to trust that I am on the right path. I am free like the half naked woman on the bike and I am part of the universe like the woman sitting in deep deep communion with the universe.

I realised I have done so much with my life - memory after memory tumbled into my consciousness of events, countries, people, places, moments, lifetimes, knowledge... I saw how my emotions have moved me and my passions have warmed me. I have made lifelong friendships and maybe a few enemies along the way but I have always felt life working through and guiding me. How can I forget who I am - this wild woman who allows power to guide her?

I saw a vision of me being outside beside a fire, lit by flames and surrounded by people. Dancing with wild abandon and graced with warm air caressing my skin.

There is a list of things I need to do - to include in my vision:
- I need to experience other plant medicines
- I need to go to South America
- I would like to write a novel
- I would like to start my yoga teacher training
- I would like to open up a yoga retreat
- I would like to be in a loving committed relationship

I realised I needed to stop placing expectations on myself - saying to myself that I am not pretty, fun, or whatever enough. I have to realise I am enough. I am a child of the universe. I am peace. I am loving, creative, beautiful, adventurous, and brave, and I need to acknowledge and remember my own achievements.

I also realised I needed to stop placing expectations on others, including him - and that I needed to see him as he is not how I would like him to be. As he is stepping into his light, so am I.

I left the journey feeling stoned, high and blissful. Tears of joy filled my eyes. The Shaman told me I had found the right medicine for me.

The Shaman asked us to connect to how we were when we started this course - I saw this sad, heartbroken, confused and frightened woman who didn't understand why she was here in this strange city without the man she fell in love with. I saw a victim of circumstance. Now, as I connected with who I was, I felt the emergence of a journeyer, a Master, a woman in her truest sense - fearless, abundant and sensitive.  

The Shaman asked us what our first ever cards were, I had forgotten but she reminded me, 'You picked 'The Master.'' The Shaman asked us to pick our last cards and I picked 'Ice-Olation'. I didn't understand. The Shaman said, 'You are not to allow yourself to feel isolated again. You are not a victim. You have the tools to be your own Master.'

The Shaman picked the last card for all of us, the card was 'Rebirth' - the Shaman told us, 'Live your lives the way you want. Play to your own tune. Enjoy every moment.'

I understood that everything I have experienced has made me who I am and that I am on a GRAND adventure. 

You can read more about my Inner Shaman Adventures: Gracie's Shamanic adventures


Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by: http://www.rebekahshaman.com/



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