Inner Shaman Adventures - Finding my Block and Dissolving

I met Carmen on the corner, near Passing Clouds, and we spoke of synchronicity.

'It was so amazing, I was just saying to a friend I needed to do something different and my friend mentioned you. After that I saw you had joined this event on Facebook and it's 5 minutes from my house so I thought I would come.'

Well, one thing that is starting to become clear to me is that there are no mistakes made in this universe.

We walked in and were told about the first journey we were going to make - to meet our power animal and ask the animal what our inner blocks are. We were then told of the medicine wheel. It was called forth that evening so the elements could guide us. We were told that the journeys we undertook tonight would be in a language only we would understand.

We jostled for space and found a place to lie down. Drums started to play as I saw St Ouen's bay in my mind - my beach that captivates my very soul, my essence. I walked down the slipway and along the edge between the sea wall defences and the sand until I came to a water pipe. I crawled into the water pipe and into darkness, confident I would find an obstacle to remove. Soon I came across a latticed gate and opened it. I started to crawl out of the pipe and into a large open green space.

Instantly a crow was near me. Flying above my head, guiding me. She would not leave and then showed me to herself in four ways that is fitting for a power animal. I confess, I felt disappointed. 'A crow? Of all the animals in the world to guide me, a crow? This pesky bird that squawked my mornings awake in India, the famous stealer of silver and all that glitters. No, I don't want this animal.' I felt within me a resistance to what was presented to me. The crow followed me and I watched her transform into a black eagle/hawk, who also showed herself to me in four ways. Again, I thought, 'An eagle? So cliched.' She soared high into the sky. Suddenly, I had two birds and they soon sat proudly on each shoulder, guiding me to where I needed to be next.

I asked them, 'What is my block?'

I was told, 'You need to love yourself, you need self-worth. Do not seek validation elsewhere. You are worthy of all in your life.'

I realised that these powerful birds were beautiful and I started to feel grateful to them for choosing me. Such gracious, strong, observant creatures who can fly above the petty minutiae of the day to day.  I saw other animals on the grass playing and enjoying the abundance nature gives but I was happy with my birds.

Suddenly the drums became louder and faster, signifying that I needed to return home. I thanked my birds and crawled through my pipe and found myself back at the bay.

Leticia said the journey has its own language and I saw that I instantly rejected the animals that came into my life, thinking I knew best, but actually they were the right animals for me. I learned I need to trust life more, that the universe has its plan and I need to allow it to unfold.

We stood up and music played, all of us allowing our bodies to move independently of our thinking mind. My arms moved with the grace of the eagle, my eyes had the presence of a crow and I asked my conscious thinking mind to step aside as I embodied their message, their medicine. I danced with grace, with awareness, with the ability to see a grander plan present itself. I allowed music to fill my being and become present to that very moment.

Afterwards, we were asked to sit in front of our partner and Carmen sat in front of me. We were asked to look at our partner's face, to see them, their pain and realise it’s a reflection of our own. We were asked to see that they are God. Despite the funny faces she made, I could see the divine in her, the joy, pain, sorrow, loneliness which is in her, in me, in everyone. I could see that we were connected. Carmen and I said, ‘Namaste’ to each other and then hugged.

We lay down to listen to music and allowed our minds to open, Leticia asked us to, ‘Remember who you are.’ As soon as I closed my eyes a Native American Indian Chief’s face was in front of me. I looked at him. His face turned into an Australian aborigine, then an African Shaman and then a South American Shaman, back into the Native American Indian. He took me beside a fire and said, ‘Remember who you are.’ He gave me something to drink and I drank it deeply, my body cracked open and suddenly my spirit soared free from the constraints of my body. I danced in the atmosphere, excited and free! I slowly dissolved into the universe and felt ultimate peace. I am spirit.

I was back beside the fire and the Indian Chief spoke to me, ‘You are ancient, you are love.’ Then I heard Leticia’s voice, ‘You are made of stardust.’

I spoke to the Indian Chief, ‘But what about him?’ He took me on a horse and we galloped into a wide open vista and we stared at the space, the expanse, the beauty… He said, ‘Why narrow your vista?’ I understood then that my perspective had been limited. I felt absolute awe for this Native American and his wisdom.

Suddenly I saw him and I barely clothed, running really fast. He was jumping, whooping, happy and I was playfully catching up. We came to a cliff edge and neither of us stopped, both of us trusted we would be safe and we jumped. I landed in fog, alone but safe, happy and willing to continue my journey. My journey continues even if the fog has hidden my view currently.

Quinto spoke at the end of the session, ‘Do not allow anyone to disrespect you. You are your own Master, which means you are a part of God. If someone disrespects you they are disrespecting God.’

Leticia spoke, ‘There are no victims in this world and you do not need to forgive anyone. To forgive someone means they are below you and they are not. We are all equal and they came into your life to prod you, to make you aware of what is inside you. Feel gratitude that they have done this for you.’

Carmen and I parted ways at the train station, my friend since childhood who weaves in and out of my life. ‘Who would have thought we would be part of each other’s Shamanic journey?’ She laughed, ‘Who would have thought?’ 

You can find my adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Shamanic evening was facilitated by Leticia and Quinto: www.letinto.com at Passing Clouds



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