Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 14

In the stillness, there was movement. 

In the still black sky, the world was to be blessed with the light of the new moon. The stillness of darkness, the movement of light. As the moon phase transitioned, I stirred from the stillness of sleep as I had experienced the movement of a nightmare. I woke up in tears and didn't know why, somehow depths had reached my shallows and I was overwhelmed.

The tears did not stop and a question was on my lips.

'What if..?'

Suddenly I was pierced with regret and decisions I had taken in my life seemed wrong. Retrospective movies played out in my head as my body trembled and my heart contracted in pain. I called my friend and she soothed and bathed me with the voice of wisdom and compassion. I rocked and rolled but was then cooled and calmed. After, I felt tender, raw, but able to get out of bed and start the day.

I realised I had been forcing myself to move on more quickly than I was ready, trying to figure out, plan and execute. I have been eager to birth and manifest a life I want but without due processing of the emotions of moving on and letting go. I have been trying to build without the necessary foundations in place. In the name of movement, I forgot about stillness. 

The next day I sat in the Shaman's space, ready to be with Old Mother Cacao again. I told the Shaman that my intention was to cultivate patience.

I pulled the card, 'Trust.' It was of a person leaping into the unknown into the glowing pink. 'That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you, why should one be afraid of its being taken away? It cannot be taken away, there is no possibility.'

 

Oh fear... I see you now. You are shapeshifting into regret and forcing me to look at my world from a space of scarcity. I see I need to trust the world and understand that regret is of no use to me. I am where I need to be.

I drank in as much Cacao as I could.

After grounding us, the Shaman asked us to send love to those who have hurt us and suddenly I saw him. I tried to send him love but all I had were words and I stood and spoke to him in a dismal attempt to try and resolve regret. Yet I became involved, had forgotten the Shaman and had forgotten why I was there. 

After a while Old Mother Cacao came for me. 

  'Honey, what are you doing?'

I felt her gentle hands on my arms as she guided me away.

 She sat me on a small stone wall in a forest and rolled mapacho for us to smoke together.

  'This time to yourself is for you to fast forward your spiritual growth. If you were in a relationship right now you would not have the time or energy to devote to this important stage in your life. Become self-sufficient. You are on your way to becoming a Shaman and wise crone, trust all that is happening to you. Don't allow regret to disable you.'

 We smoked. In the stillness of the forest, I watched the movement of whispy vapour dancing in front of us.'

  'We know what it is that you want. Let us arrange it for you. Stop trying to force it. All you need to do is to let go and TRUST.'

  'Become still in the movement.'

The Shaman asked us to bring in our future selves. I saw myself sitting in a hut in Peru.

  'Don't forget Peru and your yoga teacher training. Concentrate on manifesting these aspects of your life and everything else will fall into place. Your intention for this lifetime is to effect positive change in yourself and others - keep hold of this. Always remember your intention.'

I saw myself in the retreat centre I will one day be a part of, the Shaman was there and she was dancing with wild abandonment. I saw people leaving their sadness at the door and finding pure joy within. I was there, able to create this space.

I pulled the card, 'The Master' - I know I have been given the tools to be the Master of my own life.

Aho.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

 

Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by Rebekah Shaman

 

Follow me here...

Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page

Facebook: Gracie's FB page

Google +: Gracie's Google + page

Inner Shaman Adventures - Finding my Block and Dissolving

I met Carmen on the corner, near Passing Clouds, and we spoke of synchronicity.

'It was so amazing, I was just saying to a friend I needed to do something different and my friend mentioned you. After that I saw you had joined this event on Facebook and it's 5 minutes from my house so I thought I would come.'

Well, one thing that is starting to become clear to me is that there are no mistakes made in this universe.

We walked in and were told about the first journey we were going to make - to meet our power animal and ask the animal what our inner blocks are. We were then told of the medicine wheel. It was called forth that evening so the elements could guide us. We were told that the journeys we undertook tonight would be in a language only we would understand.

We jostled for space and found a place to lie down. Drums started to play as I saw St Ouen's bay in my mind - my beach that captivates my very soul, my essence. I walked down the slipway and along the edge between the sea wall defences and the sand until I came to a water pipe. I crawled into the water pipe and into darkness, confident I would find an obstacle to remove. Soon I came across a latticed gate and opened it. I started to crawl out of the pipe and into a large open green space.

Instantly a crow was near me. Flying above my head, guiding me. She would not leave and then showed me to herself in four ways that is fitting for a power animal. I confess, I felt disappointed. 'A crow? Of all the animals in the world to guide me, a crow? This pesky bird that squawked my mornings awake in India, the famous stealer of silver and all that glitters. No, I don't want this animal.' I felt within me a resistance to what was presented to me. The crow followed me and I watched her transform into a black eagle/hawk, who also showed herself to me in four ways. Again, I thought, 'An eagle? So cliched.' She soared high into the sky. Suddenly, I had two birds and they soon sat proudly on each shoulder, guiding me to where I needed to be next.

I asked them, 'What is my block?'

I was told, 'You need to love yourself, you need self-worth. Do not seek validation elsewhere. You are worthy of all in your life.'

I realised that these powerful birds were beautiful and I started to feel grateful to them for choosing me. Such gracious, strong, observant creatures who can fly above the petty minutiae of the day to day.  I saw other animals on the grass playing and enjoying the abundance nature gives but I was happy with my birds.

Suddenly the drums became louder and faster, signifying that I needed to return home. I thanked my birds and crawled through my pipe and found myself back at the bay.

Leticia said the journey has its own language and I saw that I instantly rejected the animals that came into my life, thinking I knew best, but actually they were the right animals for me. I learned I need to trust life more, that the universe has its plan and I need to allow it to unfold.

We stood up and music played, all of us allowing our bodies to move independently of our thinking mind. My arms moved with the grace of the eagle, my eyes had the presence of a crow and I asked my conscious thinking mind to step aside as I embodied their message, their medicine. I danced with grace, with awareness, with the ability to see a grander plan present itself. I allowed music to fill my being and become present to that very moment.

Afterwards, we were asked to sit in front of our partner and Carmen sat in front of me. We were asked to look at our partner's face, to see them, their pain and realise it’s a reflection of our own. We were asked to see that they are God. Despite the funny faces she made, I could see the divine in her, the joy, pain, sorrow, loneliness which is in her, in me, in everyone. I could see that we were connected. Carmen and I said, ‘Namaste’ to each other and then hugged.

We lay down to listen to music and allowed our minds to open, Leticia asked us to, ‘Remember who you are.’ As soon as I closed my eyes a Native American Indian Chief’s face was in front of me. I looked at him. His face turned into an Australian aborigine, then an African Shaman and then a South American Shaman, back into the Native American Indian. He took me beside a fire and said, ‘Remember who you are.’ He gave me something to drink and I drank it deeply, my body cracked open and suddenly my spirit soared free from the constraints of my body. I danced in the atmosphere, excited and free! I slowly dissolved into the universe and felt ultimate peace. I am spirit.

I was back beside the fire and the Indian Chief spoke to me, ‘You are ancient, you are love.’ Then I heard Leticia’s voice, ‘You are made of stardust.’

I spoke to the Indian Chief, ‘But what about him?’ He took me on a horse and we galloped into a wide open vista and we stared at the space, the expanse, the beauty… He said, ‘Why narrow your vista?’ I understood then that my perspective had been limited. I felt absolute awe for this Native American and his wisdom.

Suddenly I saw him and I barely clothed, running really fast. He was jumping, whooping, happy and I was playfully catching up. We came to a cliff edge and neither of us stopped, both of us trusted we would be safe and we jumped. I landed in fog, alone but safe, happy and willing to continue my journey. My journey continues even if the fog has hidden my view currently.

Quinto spoke at the end of the session, ‘Do not allow anyone to disrespect you. You are your own Master, which means you are a part of God. If someone disrespects you they are disrespecting God.’

Leticia spoke, ‘There are no victims in this world and you do not need to forgive anyone. To forgive someone means they are below you and they are not. We are all equal and they came into your life to prod you, to make you aware of what is inside you. Feel gratitude that they have done this for you.’

Carmen and I parted ways at the train station, my friend since childhood who weaves in and out of my life. ‘Who would have thought we would be part of each other’s Shamanic journey?’ She laughed, ‘Who would have thought?’ 

You can find my adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Shamanic evening was facilitated by Leticia and Quinto: www.letinto.com at Passing Clouds



Follow me here...
Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page
Facebook: Gracie's FB page
Google +: Gracie's Google + page
 

Finding my Inner Shaman - Part 1

I am a woman that has to re-learn about trusting the universe and all that it has to offer. I have to begin to understand that everything is perfect as it is, all over again. This warring against current situations has thrust me in a wellspring of confusion, tension and unhappiness.

I have heard it been said that your eyes stay the same in every lifetime – that it’s the same door that guards your soul, and we need to find a way to open it and look within. Each time I am born it is still me looking out despite the different body, clothes and surrounds. The Shaman told me to look in the mirror, and so I looked. Initially, I saw what I felt was wrong with my face in this lifetime; brought on by age, sun and events. I looked closer, into my eyes, at what they held and she spoke to me.

‘Where have you been? I’ve been on my own for such a long time.’

Tears filled my eyes as years of loneliness and abandonment met me. All that I had buried deep within were suddenly freed by my opening the door. I wept. I wept not only for the woman and the choices I had made, but the woman I trapped within.

‘You stopped listening to me, to my voice.’

And so I had. I asked her when I stopped listening and she pinpointed a time when I started to act out of fear. I had separated myself from my inherent trust in creation, the world and in knowing that everything placed before me was for my growth and ultimately for my benefit.

‘You are going to be fine. You are not alone, I am here.’

I told her, ‘I used to be so alive. I used to be fearless, wild, a warrior – where did I go? Why did I start to conform to societal, familial, cultural standards that are perplexing and at odds with my own journey? When did I allow fear to enter my life? When did I lose the flow?’

 I let the black sludge of fear flow out of me and she hugged me.

‘Welcome home.’

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Finding my Inner Shaman facilitated by: http://www.rebekahshaman.com/






Follow me here...
Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page
Facebook: Gracie's FB page
Google +: Gracie's Google + page