Choose Your Own Adventure - Blog Post

Being single is a bit like those choose your own adventure books. 

As September creeps in and the slightest chill in the evenings beckons, I know that my own season of adventure is upon me. Somehow September has become my month of choice. This time last year I was moving home, buying a new bike and heading to Barcelona... 

This time is so much more – I have created my own Magical Mystery Tour to include Jersey, a festival with my sisterhood, a Cacao ceremony with my tribe, a dieta of my own, 10 days in glorious Ibiza where I will practice yoga daily, lie on the beach and sit in the circle of the Mamitas and my familia once again. Then back to my roots in Jersey before rounding up with a weekend with the Shaman as I integrate all I have done with one magical month. 

I find myself pulsing with excitement just contemplating it, thinking about the space I am creating for myself.  

I remember in the Ayahuasca ceremony when I asked her who I was, she responded, 'You are what's left after you die.' In my deepest meditations and brightest bliss, I have touched upon what that could mean. I know that I am much more than this body that holds me and this collection of data that I call my mind. I know beyond what I call me there is an awareness I can access. 

Since I have been ill I have been so much more aware of the vulnerabilities of my body and have again started meditating daily. My mornings start with the familiar voice of Sadhguru as he tells me, 'I am not the body, I am not even the mind' and somehow I am learning to distance my complex compulsions for a few seconds and find... space. I am realising finding space has become just as an exciting adventure for me!  

Recently, as I was driving back to my parent's home, suddenly I felt something in me say, 'Don't grasp on to anything'. My whole being relaxed into the motion of the car, the movement of the steering wheel, the rhythm of the traffic lights and the voices on the radio. I allowed the world to just be and simultaneously, it gave me the permission to do the same; all that was me just faded away.

The moments of awareness, the space inside the chaos and the feeling of stepping into the new... I am loving this new part of my life. September? Bring it on!

You can read other blog posts here: Gracie's blog posts   

Follow me here...
Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page
Facebook: Gracie's FB page
Google +: Gracie's Google + page

Travellers at Dusk - Poem

Sitting amongst the travellers of dusk

The husk

but not it’s juice

dried from the scorching sun

Sitting amongst the travellers of dusk

The musk

of sweat and spice

their skin soaked from the air

Sitting amongst the travellers of dusk

The dusk

the mystery

the implied dream lives on.

You can read other poems here: Gracie's poems 
 

Please follow me here... 

Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page

Facebook: Gracie's FB page

Google +: Gracie's Google + page

Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 16

I have lost my voice.

Not metaphorically or symbolically. I seriously and truly heard my voice become this deep husky baritone on Monday before it faded to nothing on Tuesday.

By Saturday, the sound of my high pitched Jersey infused utterances became a mere memory and so began my apprenticeship in the art of loud whispering and dramatic facial gestures accompanied by coughing, sneezing and feverish panic. I was fortunate that in six days my body had recovered enough so I was able to find my way to the Shaman's circle and hear the wisdom of Old Mother Cacao.

We went around the room and stated our intentions. I whispered, 'Hi, I have lost my voice...' and then out of nowhere I said, 'I have come to find it again!'

And then I whispered my original intention, 'I also want to look seriously at my priorities regarding my career as at the moment as I am so confused.' Aho.

The Shaman placed the cards in the middle of the room and spread them out and asked us to pick a card, of course the only card I was ever going to pick was, 'Silence'.

I know I am not alone when I say my current job isn't working for me. I have started rethinking my personal reasons for becoming a social worker and whether I want to carry on in the statutory sector or be more creative in my approach.

Recently, I have been thinking about a conversation I had with my sister, about if she was ambitious. She stated to me, 'I am not ambitious but I like to be known for doing things well.' I sat with that for a while and agreed with her statement. I have never been ambitious. I am not hungry to rise in management or earn vast amounts of money, but I like to be thought of as a person who can do things well, and with integrity. I am starting to think it's not possible to do that in my current job anymore.

I drank in as much cacao as I could, resisted the feelings of rising nausea the taste invokes and lay down to listen to the silence.

She spoke to me, 'You are sick because you are in dis-ease. You are run down and dealing with a constant source of underlying stress. You are not born to cope with large amounts of stress, you are much happier when your job requires less from you so you can devote your energies to the creative.'

  'You are born to be imaginative and experimental - whether that is in your career or personal life. Honey, you are going to die, you may as well enjoy the journey from womb to ashes. Do what you are passionate about, what makes you feel alive. There is not enough time for the mundane.'

I sat beside Old Mother Cacao and came up with reasons why I should stay in my job. I have already trained to be a social worker... What if there isn't the right job for me..? What if I can't make enough money..?

She said to me, 'Who do you want to be? Just a Social Worker?'
I replied, 'Well, no, not just a Social Worker...'

  'You are a multi-faceted human being. You have a list of things you would like to achieve. Who cares if you are or are not called a Social Worker. You want to write, become a yoga teacher, grow in yoga and shamanism - live your life holistically. Find a job that is in alignment with the flow of your life. Follow your own heart.'

Out of the journey, we were asked to pull a card and I received, 'Letting go.' As I looked at the card I saw water drops fall from the leaf back into the pond - back to the source. I saw that I needed to let go of my identity as a Social Worker so I could find the job that is right for me; where I am given the opportunity, time and resources to do it well. I know that when I let go of who I think I am, who I really am is allowed to shine through.

Aho.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by Rebekah Shaman

Follow me here...

Twitter: Gracie's Twitter Page

Facebook: Gracie's FB page

Google +: Gracie's Google + page