Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 22

St Ouen's beach - taken by me

I decided to journey with cacao alone to deepen my connection with her and continue the work.

I opened space, set up my altar and then cooked, sang, rattled, danced smudged, and called in the spirits - whilst allowing her to bubble and melt and become thick enough for drinking.

I sat in front of cacao, in front of the altar, and prayed my intentions to create space in me for my next steps, whatever they may be and I drank her deeply, breathing her in. I pulled the card, 'Courage.'

I laid down to the sound of drumming and instantly I was on St Ouen beach, in Jersey. I walked to the edge of the sea and found myself swimming in very dangerous rip tides, the waves huge and overwhelming as the surf crushed my body repeatedly. I became aware that my understanding of the sea is so very different when I am at the edge compared to being in its midst, but as I saw a dolphin nearby, I understood I would also never have the perspective of the sea the dolphin has. I rode the waves back to the shore and walked towards a tunnel and gate, which opened up to a jungle.

As soon as I was there a jaguar was beside me. As I walked deeper and deeper into the jungle she padded alongside. Soon I found the clearing and waited on my tree stump for Old Mother Cacao. The jaguar paced around me, unable to settle, until Old Mother Cacao entered.

The drumming took over and I wove in and out of consciousness, I felt the drum on my base, heart and throat chakra - every beat dug a deeper hole. Soon black sludge vomited out of me and with every drum beat a little more until black poured out at an alarming rate, my body too small to have physically kept all this in.

As soon as the black leaves, my body became clear and I started to shake violently on the floor. I shook until colour entered each chakra and I lay there, the brightest rainbow. Old Mother Cacao walked up to me and blew mapacho on to me and said, 'Very good.'

  'Allow yourself to shine, my darling. Do not be afraid of who you are. You need to take me further, take me to those who are suffering.'

  'You need to take the next steps in Shamanism, you need to find a Master.'

I agreed I would.

  'The jaguar is your spirit guide, she will protect you in the lower world.'

Glowing, I hugged Old Mother Cacao and she entered into my energetic body. The jaguar and I walked back to the gate and I told her that I would return.

Once I returned to St Ouen, I walked back to the edge of the sea and then swam in her magical waters. The sea was much calmer and I surfed the waves with ease, playing in the water.

Aho.

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Rapé and Sananga Ceremony

I walked into the studio, expecting the next session to be about Shamanic tools and how to use them but the Shaman walked up to me and said, 'Things have changed tonight, we are going to be exploring plant medicine and their role in Shamanism. We are going to work with rapé and sananga.' I nodded my head in assent, I knew what rapé was, I had seen my brother Apé administer it to people prior to the ayahuasca ceremonies. However, I had not tried it because of the incredibly physical responses I had witnessed when receiving the plant medicine. I had seen people coughing, sneezing, going red in the face, eyes tearing up and retching and I had just thought, 'No, not for me.'

Cushioned beds were laid out in ceremonial style in the studio and we chose our places for the evening. We sat and listened to the Shamans talk about the plants, their properties, how and why they are used as well as the side effects after being in contact with the plant. As I was being told more information about what I would experience, I started to shake and feel cold as my old friend fear came in and made itself at home.

I said to the Shaman, 'What if we don't want to do this?'

The Shaman said it would be okay if we decided not to take part but it would be worth asking ourselves the reasons why and think about what was standing in our way. He said, 'Watch me first, understand that this medicine has been administered for thousands of years and you are safe.'

I watched him being served the plant. The plant was mixed and made into small balls and then blown up his nose and his physical reaction was immediate, nothing in Shamanism is pretty and this medicine was no different. It didn't look like fun, it didn't look like my idea of a great night out.

One by one the students were dispensed the medicine and each had a unique reaction to the impact. As the Shaman came to me I said to him, 'Can you make it really small?' He said, 'I'll make it hummingbird sized.' Somehow the quantity being made akin to a hummingbird made the process easier. I liked feeling connected to the hummingbird.

The Shaman told me to hold my breath and he placed the tube to my nostril and blew. The impact was immediate and I could feel my mind clear and it felt like I was experiencing pure consciousness. The physical effects were that I felt my breath become concentrated, my eyes started to water and soon mucus started to flood me and I continued to spit into tissue, allowing my body to clear. The Shaman then blew into my other nostril and I sat still, firm and surrendered to the medicine and its purpose.

The icaro and music were in full force and for some time I sat with absolute clarity experiencing and listening intently to the medicine, although the icaro could not infiltrate the continued silence of my mind.

After a while, the music ended and the Shaman came forward and said he would be the first to take sananga. He lay down and we watched the eye drops be administered and heard him breathe deeply and react physically to the painful contact. We were told that the initial pain would feel more than we could bear but it would gradually become lighter until feelings of blissfulness entered our bodies.

For this part of the ceremony I was the last person to lie down and again I whispered, 'Only hummingbird...' He said, one drop each eye, that's all.' Somehow I knew I could trust him and I lay down with my eyes open. The first drop entered me; I felt instant stinging and both my eyes closed in response, as I was encompassed by the sensation. He opened my other eye and I lay there with the medicine burning me. I felt no other pain than the searing itchiness in my eyes but I maintained concentration on my breath throughout to help me through the process.

Whilst I lay there, I soon felt feelings of bliss and weightlessness enter me. Any fear that I had experienced previously was washed away with feelings of lightness and joy. I felt my body become soft and at peace, and experienced perfect equilibrium. I lay in this state for some time experiencing a sense of harmony I hadn't encountered in a long time.

The Shaman said, 'You have learned something very important tonight about fear, that it doesn't always tell the truth and is not something you can trust.'

As I was making my journey home, I felt very aware of my surroundings. I walked down the escalators and heard a woman singing for charity, she sang 'I could have danced all night.' I gave her some money and asked if I could listen. An audience of one, I sat and listened intently to her voice and it felt like I had been given another beautiful icaro that night. When she finished we hugged and I thanked her for her gorgeous voice and floated home.

Aho.

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Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes

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Choose Your Own Adventure - Blog Post

Being single is a bit like those choose your own adventure books. 

As September creeps in and the slightest chill in the evenings beckons, I know that my own season of adventure is upon me. Somehow September has become my month of choice. This time last year I was moving home, buying a new bike and heading to Barcelona... 

This time is so much more – I have created my own Magical Mystery Tour to include Jersey, a festival with my sisterhood, a Cacao ceremony with my tribe, a dieta of my own, 10 days in glorious Ibiza where I will practice yoga daily, lie on the beach and sit in the circle of the Mamitas and my familia once again. Then back to my roots in Jersey before rounding up with a weekend with the Shaman as I integrate all I have done with one magical month. 

I find myself pulsing with excitement just contemplating it, thinking about the space I am creating for myself.  

I remember in the Ayahuasca ceremony when I asked her who I was, she responded, 'You are what's left after you die.' In my deepest meditations and brightest bliss, I have touched upon what that could mean. I know that I am much more than this body that holds me and this collection of data that I call my mind. I know beyond what I call me there is an awareness I can access. 

Since I have been ill I have been so much more aware of the vulnerabilities of my body and have again started meditating daily. My mornings start with the familiar voice of Sadhguru as he tells me, 'I am not the body, I am not even the mind' and somehow I am learning to distance my complex compulsions for a few seconds and find... space. I am realising finding space has become just as an exciting adventure for me!  

Recently, as I was driving back to my parent's home, suddenly I felt something in me say, 'Don't grasp on to anything'. My whole being relaxed into the motion of the car, the movement of the steering wheel, the rhythm of the traffic lights and the voices on the radio. I allowed the world to just be and simultaneously, it gave me the permission to do the same; all that was me just faded away.

The moments of awareness, the space inside the chaos and the feeling of stepping into the new... I am loving this new part of my life. September? Bring it on!

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Ayahuasca Ceremony

I cannot express enough gratitude to those who have worked with Ayahuasca from the beginning of time and to the Shamans who held the space for me.

There. Are. No. Words.

Except, thank you.


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