Inner Shaman Adventures - The Way of the Shaman

After my cacao ceremony, where I was asked to find a teacher, I found a course that resonated. I had read Michael Harner's, 'Way of the Shaman' a while back and knew that in Shamanic circles he was viewed to have integrity. So I contacted the UK Faculty of the Foundation for Shamanic Studies and went to the basic workshop taught by Marta Niccolai.

I danced and sang, drummed and rattled, swam and retrieved. Under the guidance of the Shaman I was able to journey deeper into the heartlands of the other worlds.

Yet most of all I listened, listened deeply to truth and allowed it all to resonate with me and my growth.

In one session, I was told by the spirit of a stone, 'Follow my heart, it will lead me in the right direction, even when alone I am on the right path. But, see things how they are not how I would like them to be. A tiny action contributes to the greater whole, allow yourself to be cleansed by spirit and consider all the elements as a guide. Every challenge can be overcome, don't take life so seriously.'

After the weekend I felt alive, vibrant and keen to keep exploring. Later on that week, fresh from a cancellation from a Consultant's appointment, I could hear Wimbledon Common's call and I felt bound to respond.

As I walked on her familiar pathways, I felt myself rejoice in this reunion. Her energy entered me and I felt swallowed by her power, strength and teachings. It was like being with a long lost friend whose connection traversed lifetimes.

In the common, I danced my spirit animals and cried their song. And then I watched them run around me as I entered deeper into the Common's womb and felt a song burst forth that I sang over and over again.

'Power comes from within.

Energy is all there is,

Love is all there is,

I am all there is.'

Until different songs that also came from nowhere kept pouring forth.

I found myself singing for nature, her pain and incessant torture, I sang in love for her and for all that is included in her. Words, song, words, song, words and song kept pouring forth as my heart opened in honour of the power within me and my ancestors, the planet and the elements. Rain washed my face and hair clean and as I finally entered Richmond Park. I saw the deer prick their ears in interest, staring at the woman who couldn't stop singing songs so deeply honouring the source.

Until I could sing no more.

It was the best cancellation of a Consultant's appointment I have ever had.

Aho.

The Way of The Shaman basic workshop in core shamanism was taught by Marta Nicolai

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 22

St Ouen's beach - taken by me

I decided to journey with cacao alone to deepen my connection with her and continue the work.

I opened space, set up my altar and then cooked, sang, rattled, danced smudged, and called in the spirits - whilst allowing her to bubble and melt and become thick enough for drinking.

I sat in front of cacao, in front of the altar, and prayed my intentions to create space in me for my next steps, whatever they may be and I drank her deeply, breathing her in. I pulled the card, 'Courage.'

I laid down to the sound of drumming and instantly I was on St Ouen beach, in Jersey. I walked to the edge of the sea and found myself swimming in very dangerous rip tides, the waves huge and overwhelming as the surf crushed my body repeatedly. I became aware that my understanding of the sea is so very different when I am at the edge compared to being in its midst, but as I saw a dolphin nearby, I understood I would also never have the perspective of the sea the dolphin has. I rode the waves back to the shore and walked towards a tunnel and gate, which opened up to a jungle.

As soon as I was there a jaguar was beside me. As I walked deeper and deeper into the jungle she padded alongside. Soon I found the clearing and waited on my tree stump for Old Mother Cacao. The jaguar paced around me, unable to settle, until Old Mother Cacao entered.

The drumming took over and I wove in and out of consciousness, I felt the drum on my base, heart and throat chakra - every beat dug a deeper hole. Soon black sludge vomited out of me and with every drum beat a little more until black poured out at an alarming rate, my body too small to have physically kept all this in.

As soon as the black leaves, my body became clear and I started to shake violently on the floor. I shook until colour entered each chakra and I lay there, the brightest rainbow. Old Mother Cacao walked up to me and blew mapacho on to me and said, 'Very good.'

  'Allow yourself to shine, my darling. Do not be afraid of who you are. You need to take me further, take me to those who are suffering.'

  'You need to take the next steps in Shamanism, you need to find a Master.'

I agreed I would.

  'The jaguar is your spirit guide, she will protect you in the lower world.'

Glowing, I hugged Old Mother Cacao and she entered into my energetic body. The jaguar and I walked back to the gate and I told her that I would return.

Once I returned to St Ouen, I walked back to the edge of the sea and then swam in her magical waters. The sea was much calmer and I surfed the waves with ease, playing in the water.

Aho.

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 20

In the summer, fresh from her Cacao Shamanista training, my oldest friend agreed to hold a cacao ceremony on magical Wimbledon Common. There were 4 of us and I was blessed to have a deep connection with all of the participants there as well as the common, one of my most favourite places on this earth.

We walked and found a small enclosed area in the woods and set up the space to drink.

My intention was to decide whether to leave my lovely home in Wimbledon and the heart space I had created for myself - my place of self-healing and sanctuary in a place that resonated with my need for urban and country. We were being offered a choice to live in two rooms in a shared space in Wimbledon or to move to our new home further outside of London where space, privacy and peace abounded.

I pulled the card, ‘Transformation’ and instantly I knew what my decision was as I could see how this new change, the next phase of my life, could be a perfect step on my path.

We lay down to journey and Old Mother Cacao came and sat beside me.

  ‘Darling, the time has come. You are entering the field of relationship on a deeper level. You need a place to root down so you can healthily blossom in love.’

I watched her as she sat there composed, she inhaled her mapacho, studying my situation in detail.

  ‘You have been waiting for this, aching for it.’

I realised the waiting for the perfect place, and the indecisiveness of my flatmate held its own perfect pattern. Nothing is done by accident on this planet and my frustrations with how I felt things should be rather than how they are melted away.’

  ‘In your new home you will be in the perfect place to create sanctuary for people. You will support, heal and comfort others on their path when they enter your home. In this space you will find peace – no more constant traffic outside your window shaking your vibration constantly. Remember what Ayahuasca told you about the constant interruptions to your energy fields.’

I remember seeing my auric field being constantly impacted by the unwanted noise and how Aya had told me I would become sick if I was constantly subjected to this sound pollution.

I saw my future as we grew as a family and how the extra people in my life would open me up to new and wonderful experiences.

  ‘You will expand in love and many people will pass through your doors and feel all the better for it.’

After a while, she looked at me and stated to me that it is time to start working with her to heal others. She stated it is my path to work with her as an equal and support those who need to find answers like I do as well.

  ‘You are ready my darling, it is time to learn from me in a new way. Use me regularly and let me show your new path will unfold.’

When we came out of the journey I pulled the card, ‘The Lovers’. I realised that a new path to help me refine my reserves of compassion was about to begin.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by Carmen Saccone

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Inner Shaman Adventures: Jaguar - Love in Motion

What I saw was love in motion.

I watched him fight against the separation of body and spirit that would signify the end of his earthly visit as he recoiled from the touch of chimeric oblivion. I watched him desperately clinging to his experience of the tangible and substantial.

His physical attachment a Stockholm syndrome - he had forgotten about the oneness he had left when he was brought onto this earth, and I knew he was scared to return. I could see his body had become a captor that was slowly poisoning him, pumping toxic blood to his brain, preventing clarity and impeding peace.

I whispered to him that he was safe, that it was okay to surrender, yet his eyes hardened and ceaselessly he dragged his body to hard surfaces and sharp edges, to sensation and emissions. Stubbornly he lugged his frame from the fringes of unconsciousness and would start his ceaseless, pointless, journey through the house – every room entered, every sensation carelessly experienced. He could no longer tell me to be silent, for he himself was mute, unable to respond.

I watched his fading light struggle against the shadow of death.

This was his final lesson.

Oh Jaguar, I asked you to allow the fear of death to fall from my eyes. You gave me a teacher so profound. The more I watched his senseless struggle the more I realised the importance of surrender. The more I saw his ignorance, the greater I grew in wisdom. The more I saw his fear, the more I understood love.

What I saw was love in motion.

I watched her as she keenly observed every move, interpreted every action so she could predict his needs and wants. She would follow his fingers, arms, legs, face and examine his unseeing eyes for any communication so she could serve, protect and care for him in any way he needed.

Her heart grew and expanded to encapsulate and keep warm. Her love melded and merged, was unconditional in patience as she waded through the shit and urine that continuously emerged. She navigated the dank, dark, interminably stinking endlessness to her days. The sun rose and fell yet she remained constant – consistently caring for the near-corpse that haunted the house and continued to relentlessly breathe in confusion.  

Her continued acceptance of his decline and ability to get up another day after the struggle throughout the night. She fielded calls, visits, medication, decisions and the unknown and balanced uncertainty. Protecting the life he has but knowing there is no quality in it left her with a continual push and pull of indecision, yet she persevered and had no regard for herself as she invested her all.

This is another one of her lessons.

Oh Jaguar, I asked you to show me the way of peace. You gave me a teacher so profound. The more I watched her tears fall in sadness the more I realised the importance of detachment. The more I saw her devotion, the greater I grew in peace. The more I saw her fear, the more I understood love.

What I saw was pure love.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Rapé and Sananga Ceremony

I walked into the studio, expecting the next session to be about Shamanic tools and how to use them but the Shaman walked up to me and said, 'Things have changed tonight, we are going to be exploring plant medicine and their role in Shamanism. We are going to work with rapé and sananga.' I nodded my head in assent, I knew what rapé was, I had seen my brother Apé administer it to people prior to the ayahuasca ceremonies. However, I had not tried it because of the incredibly physical responses I had witnessed when receiving the plant medicine. I had seen people coughing, sneezing, going red in the face, eyes tearing up and retching and I had just thought, 'No, not for me.'

Cushioned beds were laid out in ceremonial style in the studio and we chose our places for the evening. We sat and listened to the Shamans talk about the plants, their properties, how and why they are used as well as the side effects after being in contact with the plant. As I was being told more information about what I would experience, I started to shake and feel cold as my old friend fear came in and made itself at home.

I said to the Shaman, 'What if we don't want to do this?'

The Shaman said it would be okay if we decided not to take part but it would be worth asking ourselves the reasons why and think about what was standing in our way. He said, 'Watch me first, understand that this medicine has been administered for thousands of years and you are safe.'

I watched him being served the plant. The plant was mixed and made into small balls and then blown up his nose and his physical reaction was immediate, nothing in Shamanism is pretty and this medicine was no different. It didn't look like fun, it didn't look like my idea of a great night out.

One by one the students were dispensed the medicine and each had a unique reaction to the impact. As the Shaman came to me I said to him, 'Can you make it really small?' He said, 'I'll make it hummingbird sized.' Somehow the quantity being made akin to a hummingbird made the process easier. I liked feeling connected to the hummingbird.

The Shaman told me to hold my breath and he placed the tube to my nostril and blew. The impact was immediate and I could feel my mind clear and it felt like I was experiencing pure consciousness. The physical effects were that I felt my breath become concentrated, my eyes started to water and soon mucus started to flood me and I continued to spit into tissue, allowing my body to clear. The Shaman then blew into my other nostril and I sat still, firm and surrendered to the medicine and its purpose.

The icaro and music were in full force and for some time I sat with absolute clarity experiencing and listening intently to the medicine, although the icaro could not infiltrate the continued silence of my mind.

After a while, the music ended and the Shaman came forward and said he would be the first to take sananga. He lay down and we watched the eye drops be administered and heard him breathe deeply and react physically to the painful contact. We were told that the initial pain would feel more than we could bear but it would gradually become lighter until feelings of blissfulness entered our bodies.

For this part of the ceremony I was the last person to lie down and again I whispered, 'Only hummingbird...' He said, one drop each eye, that's all.' Somehow I knew I could trust him and I lay down with my eyes open. The first drop entered me; I felt instant stinging and both my eyes closed in response, as I was encompassed by the sensation. He opened my other eye and I lay there with the medicine burning me. I felt no other pain than the searing itchiness in my eyes but I maintained concentration on my breath throughout to help me through the process.

Whilst I lay there, I soon felt feelings of bliss and weightlessness enter me. Any fear that I had experienced previously was washed away with feelings of lightness and joy. I felt my body become soft and at peace, and experienced perfect equilibrium. I lay in this state for some time experiencing a sense of harmony I hadn't encountered in a long time.

The Shaman said, 'You have learned something very important tonight about fear, that it doesn't always tell the truth and is not something you can trust.'

As I was making my journey home, I felt very aware of my surroundings. I walked down the escalators and heard a woman singing for charity, she sang 'I could have danced all night.' I gave her some money and asked if I could listen. An audience of one, I sat and listened intently to her voice and it felt like I had been given another beautiful icaro that night. When she finished we hugged and I thanked her for her gorgeous voice and floated home.

Aho.

You can find more adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes

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