What I saw was love in motion.
I watched him fight against the separation of body and spirit that
would signify the end of his earthly visit as he recoiled from the touch of
chimeric oblivion. I watched him desperately clinging to his experience of the
tangible and substantial.
His physical attachment a Stockholm syndrome - he had forgotten about
the oneness he had left when he was brought onto this earth, and I knew he was scared
to return. I could see his body had become a captor that was slowly poisoning
him, pumping toxic blood to his brain, preventing clarity and impeding peace.
I whispered to him that he was safe, that it was okay to surrender, yet
his eyes hardened and ceaselessly he dragged his body to hard surfaces and
sharp edges, to sensation and emissions. Stubbornly he lugged his frame from
the fringes of unconsciousness and would start his ceaseless, pointless,
journey through the house – every room entered, every sensation carelessly experienced.
He could no longer tell me to be silent, for he himself was mute, unable to
respond.
I watched his fading light struggle against the shadow of death.
This was his final lesson.
Oh Jaguar, I asked you to allow the fear of death to fall from my eyes.
You gave me a teacher so profound. The more I watched his senseless struggle
the more I realised the importance of surrender. The more I saw his ignorance,
the greater I grew in wisdom. The more I saw his fear, the more I understood
love.
What I saw was love in motion.
I watched her as she keenly observed every move, interpreted every
action so she could predict his needs and wants. She would follow his fingers,
arms, legs, face and examine his unseeing eyes for any communication so she could serve,
protect and care for him in any way he needed.
Her heart grew and expanded to encapsulate and keep warm. Her love
melded and merged, was unconditional in patience as she waded through the shit
and urine that continuously emerged. She navigated the dank, dark, interminably
stinking endlessness to her days. The sun rose and fell yet she remained
constant – consistently caring for the near-corpse that haunted the house and
continued to relentlessly breathe in confusion.
Her continued acceptance of his decline and ability to get up another
day after the struggle throughout the night. She fielded calls, visits,
medication, decisions and the unknown and balanced uncertainty. Protecting the
life he has but knowing there is no quality in it left her with a continual
push and pull of indecision, yet she persevered and had no regard for herself as
she invested her all.
This is another one of her lessons.
Oh Jaguar, I asked you to show me the way of peace. You gave me a teacher
so profound. The more I watched her tears fall in sadness the more I realised
the importance of detachment. The more I saw her devotion, the greater I grew
in peace. The more I saw her fear, the more I understood love.
Introduction to Shamanism & the Medicine Wheel facilitated by Miguel da Silva and Gareth Hughes
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