Love - Blog Post

In the wake of the revolution that is happening in America, I feel ripples of it amongst my own. So much shock, pain, anger but most of all... fear. We huddled together at work and wondered about the implications of the next four years, and how Trump’s decision making will affect us.

I scrolled through my Facebook feed and saw posts depicting surprise at the result – some people shared their fear using humour, others provided dire predictions, some recalled the rise of Nazi reign in Germany and the startling similarities occurring now in the US. Some of my US friends expressed their pain and what it meant to be waking up to a new world order they didn’t vote for. I couldn’t find any happiness that was shared amongst my companions and colleagues that morning.

I then thought about those who would be overjoyed and happy, about those Americans who thought Trump ruling their country is good idea and marvelled at the strength of their ability to manifest. We all know in reality more Americans voted for Clinton, but that she lost due to the electoral college process, yet, despite that, I know that everyone who got up and voted Trump wants what I want – happiness.

When I see people make a choice to vote, I believe they are operating at the peak of their consciousness and are striving to create what they believe will be a place that represents them and their future generations. Obviously, the disconnect is in the way we go about obtaining these goals. Whether Trump will deliver what they think they have voted for remains to be seen but it led me to think about dependence and inter-dependence and how we are all connected on this earth.

On a global scale we have allowed a culture of Trump and Clinton, and others like them, to be created and condoned. We create our own reality and have allowed a divisive America to rise as a superpower and reign over countries that do not toe its line. Not that there was much of a choice between Clinton or Trump, with regards to an enlightened leader raising global consciousness, but by voting Trump as President, America seems to have allowed an even more divisive, individualised, exclusive power to gain power and reign over them and affect the rest of the world state.

After a while I wondered how I can operate knowing that a man like Trump is most likely going to create further unhappiness, even in his electorate, and the possible dystopian implications of that for the rest of the world. It seems this was a growing thought mushrooming across the world as I saw my Facebook feed start to change. What I saw is an overwhelming need for the individual to take their responsibilities and values seriously, and hold on to them in times of great uncertainty.

My peers, colleagues and friends soon started to heed the call of love. As individuals it became clear that we shall surrender and accept that which we are unable to change but we could continue to work on ourselves and hold on to our values – we shall remain in love, be loving and inclusive. And maybe, just maybe, because of such a leader, the rising tide of consciousness will still find a way to grow.

My passionate lion-maned man, so warrior-esque in his design, is heeding his duty to provide a space for sanctuary. In these unstable times it's almost comforting that he tells me over and over how in this world he must construct a space for people to heal, love and grow so they can create higher versions of themselves, and positively impact on the world around us. He is calling me to be a part of his land, people and mission – he wants me to entwine my power in his so we can demonstrate love in action. I thought about the children we will create and the world we would be passing on to them, and what it will mean to them if I also answer his calling of love. At the moment, in these uncertain times, all I can do right now is surrender, accept and allow love to guide me.

So I shall leave you with my gesture - a bird visiting Bernie Sanders at one of his rallies - watching this and seeing his smile alone is worth it. I hope you all can have a smile that big today and remain in love, whoever you voted or didn't vote for.

Peace. 

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Wisdom from a Tree - Blog Post

There is a line drawn. A point made. A place where an event happened some time ago and no one around you can have another conversation about it. For me it was him. I lost him. And I have had every conversation possible until there were no words left. I thought those conversations would make me bare, ready to start again, but I realised I was still full of him – of loss, sadness and heartbreak.

This morning I woke up feeling as if I would burst. Emotions leaked from my eyes, nose, mouth... even my pores. I couldn’t move without spilling and nothing seemed to help. I was filled, as if I had packed in more feelings than I had body space.

I realised in all that time I hadn’t emptied much at all and I was still full.

I put on my shoes and started walking my usual route to the woods. I needed to seek solace and feel grounded - find my connection and place within the world. I needed to find some peace.  In my meandering I found two silver birch trees together, yet apart from the others – one of the trunks had been struck by lightning, and even though it was damaged it was still alive and blossoming. I decided to sit.

I started to speak.

I spoke about my love for this man who no longer wanted me to be in his life, about the times we spent together and the joy I had felt being in his presence. I spoke about the stability I had never experienced before, and the quality of our love – the nurturing, sweet, kind, soulful love of twin spirits. I spoke of our relationship which included a friendship where we could have a conversation just by reading each other’s facial expressions and gauging the energy fields around us.

I spoke of my dreams and expectations of keeping a love like this. I spoke of making a commitment to someone and what that means to me. I spoke about how when I say I love someone it means more than just a feeling within. How it means that I will be present for that person, that there is a willingness to grow, being there regardless. It means I will face life in partnership and not walk away or let go.

Like he did.

My feelings of fullness could not be denied any longer. I sat in front of the tree and cried. I broke open. I shouted, wailed and thumped my hands on the ground. There were tears, snot, phlegm and clutching of grass and at one point I clung to the tree as my tears fell into the crevices of the bark. I felt every emotion I held within fully, finally there was no need to control or stifle.

I told the tree about the lies I was told, about his betrayal, his actions and the pain he had caused. I told the tree about how he ended our relationship and walked away without another look back. I told her about how he let me go. I spoke of my pain, grief, shock, heartbreak and how his actions had impacted me, as if a lightning bolt had struck me and I was still reeling.

As I calmed I then spoke to the tree about my fear. I told her about how I am scared that I will never find a love as beautiful. How I am fearful that I will never be able to know a partnership again. I crawled up close to the tree and whispered, ‘Have I been so damaged that I will never experience love again?’

And patiently, in union, the wind buffeted the tree and she gently spoke, ‘Look up.’

I looked at the stump, sitting strongly in the ground, rooted in Mother Earth. I let my gaze travel as I saw the damage, the scars and the pain the tree had experienced over the years and its subsequent healing. As my eyes travelled I looked further and I saw her leaves dancing gently in the breeze – alive, alight, happy and joyful. And then I really saw the tree’s capability to survive, love and bloom, no matter what has been experienced.

I had been given my answer.

I was spent. When I stood up and walked away, I realised my roots were deep just like the tree. I realised I was capable of surviving and thriving too. My mind had calmed and my heart was stilled. I finally felt emptied, liberated and free.

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The End - Poem

So now I decide to move on

view another sky

where another moon will cradle me

another mountain high

I’m taking the other route

it does not include your face

One meant only for me

I know not the path or place

My resolve is very strong

I’m taking the demons out

when they fly into my mind

I’ll blast them with no doubt

I may have scars to prove

that battles have taken place

there’s that negativity that filled my mind

and couldn’t be erased

BUT NOW I SEE MY TRUTH

now I see the light

because what the demons slayed

grew rapidly with might

I now stand tall and strong

around human heads attached

no need to cut them off

to play the karmic game of catch

My head is held aloft

my eyes they look afar

and I won’t forget my lessons

when I sit upon my star

Nor will I forget you

and what you brought to me

A momentary quiet I held inside

noise of inevitability

BUT THE DEMONS CAN LEAVE NOW

A ceasefire has been announced

They have one moment to collect their things

Homes in my heart, renounced

Go and find some other girl

who’s head is in the clouds

who knows nothing about agendas

already lost in the crowds

BETTER STILL go back home

to that planet where you are from

YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE

demons, go now, go now, RUN!

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