Season Change - Blog Post

Autumn surprised me.  Summer felt like a long joyful celebration of life in many ways and I revelled in the openness that summer encourages. Fresh from the wild, I still felt her warmth in my veins – her rhythmic pulsing of zest and extraversion.

I know I saw a few leaves touch the ground and fleetingly thought I needed to prepare myself for season change but I somehow believed I had at least a month left to play, to share in the expansiveness and dream. I didn't want to take notice of the signs.

And then Summer suddenly left, without a long goodbye. Overnight, trees started to dry up and crinkle around the edges. The air hinted at cooler mornings, night started to visit a little earlier. Acorns fell to find new homes in the soil, waiting for the squirrels to collect and store.

Internally, I felt panic. I wasn’t ready for the shed, to let go, and change again. I felt discombobulated by seasonal change and the preparation for fall. I wanted to cling as I still felt summer had so much more to give, I had so much more to learn. Both the Aniwa Gathering and Into the Wild had taught me so much and there was still processing and integration occurring.

Yet the earth has its own timings, its wisdom, and continues to teach this slow student about change.

In university the students were arriving with stories to tell. When I walked in the park on the way to work, I saw leaves that looked like static fireworks. There were families arriving in our home, presenting yielded crops for us to feast. There was the greeting of dusk on my bike ride home. There was the end of another course that had continued my link to my Shamanic birthright, as I finished the medicine wheel in its shorter form.

So many endings and new beginnings.

And now as my calendar begins to fill for the semester ahead, I feel I am now surrendering and embodying autumn. I have started to turn within. I seek silence and the whispers of the leaves as they gently detach and start their new phase of nurturing the soil. As I pile the clothes on to my body, I feel cocooned from the outside and can sense the foundations for future hibernation. I can feel the rise of the feminine arising in the Western hemisphere.

I now need to heed and accept change.

Aho.

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Expanding - Blog Post

It's been so long since I have written a post physically, yet, in my head I had written plenty.

Experiences and visions have continued to visit me but somehow there has been no space to sit and write, and allow them to unfold in the way they asked.

Space. In these last few months I have deeply craved the most open spaces.

I have desired the ability to stretch my body, my voice, my words... in a place I could call my own.

And even now I know these last few months have been about creating space, I have also realised I am moved by the ever present tidal pull of my childhood that continuously affects the rhythm of my life.

I had to go in before I could go out.

As we put a deposit down on a small cottage near the deer, my bank account decreased significantly as we invested our savings on the possibility of a new beginning. As I signed my name on the line, for a house I had seen for a short period of time, on my own, once, I felt crushed under the pressure of possible ramifications, haunted by mistakes I had made previously and wondering if I were about to make them again.

In the meantime, he had moved all his belongings in my noisy Wimbledonian bedroom. As our physical bodies and belongings jostled for space and the cars outside clamoured for our silence, I shrank and faced my own claustophobic demons.

In this time of transition, I moved along a rocky road from independence to partnership, and have slowly allowed myself to become an open-hearted companion to another on this life's journey. There had been times when I contracted in fear but then I could feel myself expand in vulnerability, as I consciously laid my heart open to another and allowed them to see the whole of me.

Now we have moved into our small cottage, near the deer, we are slowly creating small rituals of love. I can walk into every room and move. I wake in the morning, from entwined limbs, and extend. I feel his body next to mine but he allows me to reach for space and I reach, and reach, and reach, until I have stretched my body, my voice and now... finally, my words.

It's time to write again.

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Love - Blog Post

In the wake of the revolution that is happening in America, I feel ripples of it amongst my own. So much shock, pain, anger but most of all... fear. We huddled together at work and wondered about the implications of the next four years, and how Trump’s decision making will affect us.

I scrolled through my Facebook feed and saw posts depicting surprise at the result – some people shared their fear using humour, others provided dire predictions, some recalled the rise of Nazi reign in Germany and the startling similarities occurring now in the US. Some of my US friends expressed their pain and what it meant to be waking up to a new world order they didn’t vote for. I couldn’t find any happiness that was shared amongst my companions and colleagues that morning.

I then thought about those who would be overjoyed and happy, about those Americans who thought Trump ruling their country is good idea and marvelled at the strength of their ability to manifest. We all know in reality more Americans voted for Clinton, but that she lost due to the electoral college process, yet, despite that, I know that everyone who got up and voted Trump wants what I want – happiness.

When I see people make a choice to vote, I believe they are operating at the peak of their consciousness and are striving to create what they believe will be a place that represents them and their future generations. Obviously, the disconnect is in the way we go about obtaining these goals. Whether Trump will deliver what they think they have voted for remains to be seen but it led me to think about dependence and inter-dependence and how we are all connected on this earth.

On a global scale we have allowed a culture of Trump and Clinton, and others like them, to be created and condoned. We create our own reality and have allowed a divisive America to rise as a superpower and reign over countries that do not toe its line. Not that there was much of a choice between Clinton or Trump, with regards to an enlightened leader raising global consciousness, but by voting Trump as President, America seems to have allowed an even more divisive, individualised, exclusive power to gain power and reign over them and affect the rest of the world state.

After a while I wondered how I can operate knowing that a man like Trump is most likely going to create further unhappiness, even in his electorate, and the possible dystopian implications of that for the rest of the world. It seems this was a growing thought mushrooming across the world as I saw my Facebook feed start to change. What I saw is an overwhelming need for the individual to take their responsibilities and values seriously, and hold on to them in times of great uncertainty.

My peers, colleagues and friends soon started to heed the call of love. As individuals it became clear that we shall surrender and accept that which we are unable to change but we could continue to work on ourselves and hold on to our values – we shall remain in love, be loving and inclusive. And maybe, just maybe, because of such a leader, the rising tide of consciousness will still find a way to grow.

My passionate lion-maned man, so warrior-esque in his design, is heeding his duty to provide a space for sanctuary. In these unstable times it's almost comforting that he tells me over and over how in this world he must construct a space for people to heal, love and grow so they can create higher versions of themselves, and positively impact on the world around us. He is calling me to be a part of his land, people and mission – he wants me to entwine my power in his so we can demonstrate love in action. I thought about the children we will create and the world we would be passing on to them, and what it will mean to them if I also answer his calling of love. At the moment, in these uncertain times, all I can do right now is surrender, accept and allow love to guide me.

So I shall leave you with my gesture - a bird visiting Bernie Sanders at one of his rallies - watching this and seeing his smile alone is worth it. I hope you all can have a smile that big today and remain in love, whoever you voted or didn't vote for.

Peace. 

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Birth - Blog Post

Normally when I write a blog post I just write about one thing that has happened. I will focus on the incident or feeling, drill it down to see the effect it has had and then look at how I will incorporate it into my life going forward... But this last month and a half has brought such a whirlwind of change and connection into my world that I want to capture it before it becomes my new world order. I guess the next series of blog posts will be focusing on each aspect of the change that has occurred in such a short space of time, so I apologise now for my indulgence!

August was heady with friendship and conversation as I bounced from one lovely person to the next, allowing our words to drift over the river Thames, which then took me across the Channel to my rock in the sea. I bathed in companionship and family and received a text from my sister in law, saying that she was willing her son to arrive so his Zia would be able to meet him. 

Past midnight my phone buzzed, I looked at the screen and saw that my brother texted, 'Her waters have broken!'

Unable to contain my excitement, I peeked inside my mother's room, but I could see sleep had already claimed her for the night so left her in peace. I then peered into my father's room, the dog barked furiously as I entered her domain, so my Dad lifted his head. 

  'Her waters have broken!' I whispered excitedly.

  'He'll come tomorrow,' he said calmly, like a man who has experienced four children of his own, and then he and the dog promptly went back to sleep. 

I sat in the spare room with adrenalin rushing through me as I thought about another being entering this world and the journey he would have with my brother and sister in law that night, and the many nights to come. I marvelled at the miracle of birth and fully felt joy in the knowledge that my family would grow and be abundant. I was excited to meet my nephew and felt such deep gratitude that I had chosen the right day to be there and a part of the experience. 

I also wondered at the transformation of my brother and how I have watched him since birth as a baby, turn into a child and then grow into teenager and a man. I realised that I now had the privilege to watch this gentle and gorgeous man become a father and grow with love, as his world takes on new meanings.

Life brought a new being into this world, ready to start his own journey of love.

I can't wait to see what happens...

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Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 7

As I walked through London, I saw Christmas decorations lighting up the sky. It felt like humanity's last ditch attempt at brightness before the deepest part of our winter, our hibernation, sets in... I was once again reminded that soon I will set foot on the rock surrounded by people of my birth and childhood for the festive season.

Events leading up to this season have been conflicted - this year has been a year of intensity, change, and facing up to the reality of my shadow side as well as my light. I am continually being taught so many lessons - and this month continues to teach me that of love and patience, releasing the need to know outcomes, of letting go, of trying to control situations and allowing the flow to take me where I need to be without losing my voice or authenticity.

I asked cacao for help and insight into how best I can experience my time this Christmas. The card I pulled was stress - I knew I needed to let go of all that caused me stress within familial relationships and friendships before I headed home; I knew I needed to wipe the slate clean.

I drank her bitterness until I felt myself heave at the taste and lay down to journey. I visualised my place of nature and saw St Ouen's beach experiencing rough weather. The clouds were ominously looming, the wind was tossing my hair and throwing sea salt into my eyes; the waves were crashing against the shore with abandon. I knew I was not in a place of peace as I was not in a peaceful place within.

Old Mother Cacao was waiting.

  'Hello my darling.'

She took my hand and said, 'Everyone is family - all around you is family - human, animal, elemental... seen and unseen. You are a tree with deep roots and strong tall branches and all that you are connected to is your family.'

  'Every human being is subject to constant change - never assume a person remains the same.'

I saw an image of my family looking at a corpse of an old me, of who they think I am, wondering why she isn't the same as before. As I continually grow, learn and adjust so do those who are around me. In that image I learned I also need to continually learn to adjust to others too.

  'Darling, relationships come in different forms, we cannot manipulate them according to expectation. You cannot expect a relationship to have the strength of a fully grown tree if you are only at the stage of a sapling. Maintain your boundaries.'

I thanked her for her wisdom and asked her if there was anything else I needed to know.

  'Expect change. Do not cling to anything. Everything is going to change and keep on moving. Do not resist whatever happens in your life - go with it's flow and allow growth. All beings come together to help facilitate a process, do not be limited by human expectation, there are different relationships for every part of this journey.'

  'Change is not something to fear; embrace it and be happy. Adapt and accept whatever life throws at you and understand that everyone has their role to play.'

I kneeled beside Old Mother Cacao and placed my head on her lap. She stroked my hair. 'Believe in yourself and use your intuition as a guide. Remember that I am always here.'

The Shaman brought us out of our journeys and we all took a card, I picked, 'Healing.' She nodded and said, 'Find the middle ground without compromising, all will be well.'

Aho.


You can find my adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures


Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by: http://www.rebekahshaman.com/



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