Inner Shaman Adventures - Cacao Ceremony 2

Back in the Shaman's space I felt at home.

The Shaman explained the process and we stated our intentions for the ceremony, I stated I was back to carry on with my work on self-worth and self-love.

We picked our cards and I received, 'Ice-Olation' - the last card I picked at the last Cacao Ceremony. I looked at the card and wondered why it had come back into my consciousness, and I remembered the Shaman's words, that 'I am not to feel isolated again, that I am not a victim.' I know I am still working on victim consciousness and need to finally rid myself of it.

The Shaman spoke about looking at how far we have come in the last six months and what will be achieved by the next solstice. I thought about the tumultuous journey since winter solstice and how everything in my life has dramatically changed and then I thought about what I would like to achieve.

We drank the cacao and lay down for our journey. I felt warm, nurtured, relaxed, calm and peaceful; the cacao was working it's magic in my body.
 

  'What will happen in the next six months?'

The cacao showed me visions of living in a different home with two men I don't yet know, laughing, having fun and feelings like I belong. I am planning to leave my current place in September and this vision showed that I will know when I find the right place for me.

I was also shown an image of me drinking other plant medicines and that I am in the process of getting ready. She said, 'You will know when. You are ready.'



  'What about him? Will he come back into my life?'

The cacao replied, 'Do you want him back in your life? You are strong and creative, you don't need a man in your life. You can want one, that's fine, but you definitely don't need one. You are doing so well on your path. This is the right journey for you. You are winning!'

I forced the issue, 'But will be come back?'

Again, so patiently, she replied, 'Do you want him back? Would you be able to trust him now?'

I realised I didn't know. Until recently I would have blindly taken him back with open arms believing it was love. Yet, he had hurt me, had little regard for my feelings or our relationship and this could no longer be ignored. He would need to prove himself trustworthy.

The cacao reminded me, 'Remember what the Indian said, 'Don't narrow your vista.''

I said I understood. 


  'What about self-worth?'

Cacao answered, 'You are no less or no more than anyone else. Look at what has happened in certain relationships in the last couple of years. Your needs have been minimised - in the context of balance, this can only be healthy for a short period of time. Yet, people have taken advantage of this. You, certain people in your life, including him, need to realise that healthy relationships can only exist through inter-dependence, through balance and equality. No relationship will work if this realisation hasn't been established.'

I agreed. 


'Are there any other messages for me?'

The cacao said, 'Every day is a new day with a gift to give - notice the blessings in your life. Those small moments are gifts for you to understand miracles exist everywhere. There is so much positivity and infinite possibilities - all you need to do is be aware.'

Tears of joy and contentment fell on my skin. I felt whole. 


After the ceremony, I picked my last card and it said, 'Success'. The Shaman laughed, 'At least I will be going to Peru knowing you're sorted.'


You can find my adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures




Cacao Ceremonies facilitated by: http://www.rebekahshaman.com/




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Inner Shaman Adventures - Finding my Block and Dissolving

I met Carmen on the corner, near Passing Clouds, and we spoke of synchronicity.

'It was so amazing, I was just saying to a friend I needed to do something different and my friend mentioned you. After that I saw you had joined this event on Facebook and it's 5 minutes from my house so I thought I would come.'

Well, one thing that is starting to become clear to me is that there are no mistakes made in this universe.

We walked in and were told about the first journey we were going to make - to meet our power animal and ask the animal what our inner blocks are. We were then told of the medicine wheel. It was called forth that evening so the elements could guide us. We were told that the journeys we undertook tonight would be in a language only we would understand.

We jostled for space and found a place to lie down. Drums started to play as I saw St Ouen's bay in my mind - my beach that captivates my very soul, my essence. I walked down the slipway and along the edge between the sea wall defences and the sand until I came to a water pipe. I crawled into the water pipe and into darkness, confident I would find an obstacle to remove. Soon I came across a latticed gate and opened it. I started to crawl out of the pipe and into a large open green space.

Instantly a crow was near me. Flying above my head, guiding me. She would not leave and then showed me to herself in four ways that is fitting for a power animal. I confess, I felt disappointed. 'A crow? Of all the animals in the world to guide me, a crow? This pesky bird that squawked my mornings awake in India, the famous stealer of silver and all that glitters. No, I don't want this animal.' I felt within me a resistance to what was presented to me. The crow followed me and I watched her transform into a black eagle/hawk, who also showed herself to me in four ways. Again, I thought, 'An eagle? So cliched.' She soared high into the sky. Suddenly, I had two birds and they soon sat proudly on each shoulder, guiding me to where I needed to be next.

I asked them, 'What is my block?'

I was told, 'You need to love yourself, you need self-worth. Do not seek validation elsewhere. You are worthy of all in your life.'

I realised that these powerful birds were beautiful and I started to feel grateful to them for choosing me. Such gracious, strong, observant creatures who can fly above the petty minutiae of the day to day.  I saw other animals on the grass playing and enjoying the abundance nature gives but I was happy with my birds.

Suddenly the drums became louder and faster, signifying that I needed to return home. I thanked my birds and crawled through my pipe and found myself back at the bay.

Leticia said the journey has its own language and I saw that I instantly rejected the animals that came into my life, thinking I knew best, but actually they were the right animals for me. I learned I need to trust life more, that the universe has its plan and I need to allow it to unfold.

We stood up and music played, all of us allowing our bodies to move independently of our thinking mind. My arms moved with the grace of the eagle, my eyes had the presence of a crow and I asked my conscious thinking mind to step aside as I embodied their message, their medicine. I danced with grace, with awareness, with the ability to see a grander plan present itself. I allowed music to fill my being and become present to that very moment.

Afterwards, we were asked to sit in front of our partner and Carmen sat in front of me. We were asked to look at our partner's face, to see them, their pain and realise it’s a reflection of our own. We were asked to see that they are God. Despite the funny faces she made, I could see the divine in her, the joy, pain, sorrow, loneliness which is in her, in me, in everyone. I could see that we were connected. Carmen and I said, ‘Namaste’ to each other and then hugged.

We lay down to listen to music and allowed our minds to open, Leticia asked us to, ‘Remember who you are.’ As soon as I closed my eyes a Native American Indian Chief’s face was in front of me. I looked at him. His face turned into an Australian aborigine, then an African Shaman and then a South American Shaman, back into the Native American Indian. He took me beside a fire and said, ‘Remember who you are.’ He gave me something to drink and I drank it deeply, my body cracked open and suddenly my spirit soared free from the constraints of my body. I danced in the atmosphere, excited and free! I slowly dissolved into the universe and felt ultimate peace. I am spirit.

I was back beside the fire and the Indian Chief spoke to me, ‘You are ancient, you are love.’ Then I heard Leticia’s voice, ‘You are made of stardust.’

I spoke to the Indian Chief, ‘But what about him?’ He took me on a horse and we galloped into a wide open vista and we stared at the space, the expanse, the beauty… He said, ‘Why narrow your vista?’ I understood then that my perspective had been limited. I felt absolute awe for this Native American and his wisdom.

Suddenly I saw him and I barely clothed, running really fast. He was jumping, whooping, happy and I was playfully catching up. We came to a cliff edge and neither of us stopped, both of us trusted we would be safe and we jumped. I landed in fog, alone but safe, happy and willing to continue my journey. My journey continues even if the fog has hidden my view currently.

Quinto spoke at the end of the session, ‘Do not allow anyone to disrespect you. You are your own Master, which means you are a part of God. If someone disrespects you they are disrespecting God.’

Leticia spoke, ‘There are no victims in this world and you do not need to forgive anyone. To forgive someone means they are below you and they are not. We are all equal and they came into your life to prod you, to make you aware of what is inside you. Feel gratitude that they have done this for you.’

Carmen and I parted ways at the train station, my friend since childhood who weaves in and out of my life. ‘Who would have thought we would be part of each other’s Shamanic journey?’ She laughed, ‘Who would have thought?’ 

You can find my adventures in Shamanism here: Inner Shaman Adventures

Shamanic evening was facilitated by Leticia and Quinto: www.letinto.com at Passing Clouds



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B- Part 3 - Story

Part 1: B- Part 1
Part 2: B- Part 2

Kairo and I make every effort to nurse the children's exhaustion and weakness. After many days they look healthy and we start to talk and get to know each other. We learn to understand the other's disposition and friendships form. We cook, laugh and explore the village as a family.

Kairo and I watch Sadie, Heal, Buiy and Fah grow.

The school accepts Sadie and Heal and they start their studies. When they arrive home they tell us about their day. I listen attentively to their words, happy that they enjoy their school and other pupils.  Buiy and Fah enjoy the delights of the village also and play with the children during the day. The heat does not bother them so Kairo and I take turns to teach, sometimes we draw together or recite poetry. Buiy and Fah look forward to the arrival of their brother and sister, they show them their drawings or sing songs for them. When I sit outside, sometimes I hear Buiy's high and melodious voice float past. I let the tune encourage love within me. I send him good thoughts, thank God for his beautiful voice and sink gently into a doze.

In the evening, we gather our food and make dinner together. A knock is heard at the door, Heal opens the door, and Simta enters the room. Kairo asks Simta if he would like to join us for dinner, he accepts and we sit at the table together. Kairo shares the rice, taking care to give our guest the largest portion. I glance at Simta and think, 'Simta looks unhealthy and his skin is changing colour.' His deep brown skin is fading and a yellow cast glimmers in its place. Sadie talks to Heal about school, her eyes full of interest when Heal mentions some of the people in his class. Heal's hands move about in a deliberate manner, careful not to knock the dishes on the table. His face lights up with a smile when he recalls an event that has happened, though usually his features settle in a contemplative manner. Buiy and Fah eat quickly, proud of the food that lies before them. Buiy tells Simta about the dinner, he tells him that he is in charge of buying the best ingredients. Simta feigns admiration which encourages Buiy to talk more.

Once Kairo sits, Simta transfers his attention to him. Simta is a chemist. He talks about his shop, commenting on the need for it within the community and the satisfaction he receives each day, safe in the knowledge he helps everybody who enters. He tells everyone that Heal's teachers are keen to further the boy's talents. The teachers have conversed with Simta about Heal's ability, they are impressed by his intellect. Heal modestly averts his eyes and looks at his dinner. Simta asks him to look up, which he does, and Simta says, 'Do not be ashamed of your intelligence, Heal.' Heal shakes his head and says nothing. We carry on with our dinner and chat about the village and its life.

As soon as the children leave the table, Simta sips his tea and his expression changes. He explains to me and Kairo that he is in need of another assistant. 'Heal's talents in science and maths will be valuable in the shop. He could help with the accounts, give advice to those who buy medicine or have an ailment. The teachers agree that it would benefit him should he decide to study medicine.' Kairo and I look at one another and I say, 'Kairo and I need to discuss this with Heal.' Simta shakes his head, 'I understand. I know Heal is of a sensible disposition.' Simta mentions that he often catches Heal reading when the other children play and that he is able in the art of conversation with his elders. He adds that he will pay the boy a wage for his duties. Simta drinks his tea and says goodbye.

We sit together and talk about Heal. We both agree we will allow Heal to decide and that we will stand by his decision. Kairo puts his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head on his chest. We sit in silence. I am content to sit here and be with Kairo. I listen to his heartbeat, his breath gently caresses my wiry hair, his body warm against mine. I squeeze Kairo's arm in an affectionate manner and tell him that I love him. He embraces my shoulder in reply and I smile. I feel lucky to be alive and able to love my husband and the children. Kairo senses my thoughts and voices the doubt I do not wish to address, 'If only we weren't so old!' My smile fades. I know there is nothing we can do about time. Like the watch, we are only more evidence of its infallibility. 

Other long stories can be found here: Gracie's long stories

Read part 4 here

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Confessions of a Tree Hugger - Blog Post

What I have started to notice about London is that it has amazing parks and I am so lucky to live by some really beautiful ones.
 
I confess I fell into the arms of a tree today. It was standing there with its arms outstretched, waiting to give me a burst of love and so I took it. I wrapped my arms around its bark and allowed the tree to transmit all its love, wisdom and patience in to me. I was a grateful recipient of its gentleness, strength and clarity. It felt like the hug of a parent, so caring, sweet and protective. I fell a little bit in love.

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Misunderstanding - Poem

Photo taken by me

So she turned to him and said

the contents in my head

are brimming with thoughts of you...

Can you be true?

He turned his head away

and said there's nothing left to say.

Your thoughts are spinning with an image of me...

How can this be?

Perceptions crossed

communication lost

misunderstandings happen

all of the time.

You can read other poems here: Gracie's poems
  



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